Category Archive

I have been thinking about Fear and how it dominates our press and the affect this has on the anxious.

If you are an anxious person then you will be well acquainted with fear.  Any campaign designed to alert us to have a mammogram, (fear of cancer), wear our seatbelts (fear of crashing), be alert to strange unattached parcels in public places (fear of terrorism), eat the right food and exercise regularly (fear of obesity and/or death), recycle our rubbish (fear of global warming), get in stocks of canned food (fear of bird flu), use the correct moisturiser (fear of aging),  will no doubt succeed and send  the anxious out to get the next mammogram or buy out the local supermarket of canned goods.  I find myself avoiding this type of media activity as it feeds my fear, but then of course I fear that I am merely burying my head in the sand .  I can’t win!  I also wonder if the people that these types of campaigns are wanting to target ie those who don’t know about these issues, or don’t care – still don’t know or don’t care?  The only people watching and listening are the anxious (who know all about this stuff already…!)

So, how do I try and deal with this overload of fearful information?

• I only listen to commercial radio in the mornings and save the “real” news for later in the day when I am awake and lucid.  Waking to endless bad news cannot be good for you.
• I prefer to read the news rather than watch or listen.  I find TV news unbearable, it is designed for the few second sound bite, contains little information and a whole lot of fear.
• I find talking about what I have heard is helpful. Hopefully someone will be able to challenge some of this information, and might put a different perspective on things.
• If it all becomes too much I’ll turn everything off and have a news holiday and read a trashy book, or go to a feel good movie – anything that helps take me away from news and gloom overload.
• Every now and then I will congratulate myself on the fact that I am a responsible person and doing the best that I can. 
• Sometimes it helps to find out more information, and not just to take what I have heard or read about as gospel.  I believe that information can ease anxiety and help get things into perspective.  (Although you have to be careful with this one as this can lead to a certain obession which isn’t always helpful either).

It is of course important to be careful, to be alert and to be aware of our environment, our health and our political climate.  However, if like me, you are inclined towards the anxious then it is also important to look after yourself - it is all too easy to become overwhelmed.

Guest blogger Summer writes:

I like to control things. I like to be able to plan things out and know what is going to happen. As my three children enter into the teenage years I am beginning to figure out that there is not a whole lot that I can control anymore. And that makes me anxious. My kids are really good kids and that should make me feel better but there are still so many things out there that could swoop in and destroy their lives. Believe me I have imagined some of the worst.

My husband told me that he deals with things as they come, where it seems I try to deal with things before they even happen. How do I get back to dealing in the moment? Me being the control freak perfectionist that I am, know that I must do these things to lower my stress and anxieties: regular exercise, good nutrition, stop the worrying and turn off the monkey mind in my head. Sounds easy, right?

Did I mention that it is really cold here and my summer walking route is under a layer of ice with more snow expected tonight. My diet is usually pretty good but with all the holiday festivities going on I am more conscious of the fact that everything around me to eat is not what I should be eating. Which either makes me not eat or eat too much of the chocolate fudge that the gals from work bring in. As for not worrying, did I mention that my daughter turns 16 in a month and every night wants to go for a drive (on the ice covered roads). So what can I do? I can still practice my yoga and dig out my old relaxation cd’s. I can write down my anxieties and think of more realistic outcomes. I can go help someone who really does have something to worry about. And I can try to enjoy what is happening today instead of worrying about the future. I can remember that I can only control what is in my power to control and the rest will happen whether I am worrying or not. Maybe then the monkey brain will get the message and leave.

Years ago my mother gave me this funny little book.  It was called “Self Help For Your Nerves”, by Dr Claire Weekes.  The doctor’s picture was on the cover and even back then I thought she looked old and fuddy duddy.  I was appalled that my mother could consider that I had problem with my “nerves”, and to give me a book written by a dinosaur was even worse!  However, as these things often go, I have found this book (and the subsequent titles) to be invaluable.   Dr Weekes suggests three easy things you can do to ease anxiety.  

Floating
Float towards the symptoms you get … don’t fight them.  You may feel short of breath, have sweaty palms, a sore tummy etc.  Fighting these symptoms makes them worse, just try floating past them and accepting them for what they are, just a manifestation of an anxious you.

Facing
Face your thoughts and fears instead of trying to be rid of them by pushing or forcing them out. The continual fight and self talk is exhausting.  I say something to myself like, “I’m feeling really scared about….” That’s it really, I’m scared and anxious, end of story.  The problem with trying to reason yourself out of an anxious thought are the what if’s. “What if the doctor is wrong’ , or, “what if they have had an accident” and so on. Accept your condition … I tell myself that this is how I am feeling now and that I know it will pass. This can break the cycle of fear.

Letting Time Pass
Letting time pass seems hard, as naturally we want to be better now, but it takes time to heal a broken bone, so why not time for healing a tired and very busy brain?

I keep coming back to this book, I need to be reminded and reassured I suppose.  It is a bit like an old woolly blanket that I can nestle into and feel supported and comforted.

It really irritates me when I find myself affected by negative people. When others choose to focus on some slight they perceive or something they don’t understand and they take it personally — then they demand redress, changes and an overabundance of attention. I find this kind of irritation gets under my skin and bothers me a little … a little more… and then, if I”m not attentive it can really honk me off.

It’s my responsibility to keep a steady flow of peace in my life. To see the irritations and let them go. To recognize that some problems are truly none of my business and have nothing to do with me. It is my attaching something (my irritation perhaps?) to the problem that gets me involved. I don’t know exactly why I think I have to understand other people so deeply. Or why I think it is helpful for me to get involved in issues that bother others so much. Probably some “superman complex” of mine - I want to save them from their own pain. Sheesh!

For me to have serenity and calmness in my life others don’t have to change their behavior or even do things differently. I can see the reality of a problem for what it is. Negativity, immaturity, fear. And then I can choose to look at something else. If I try hard enough I can often come to a place where I feel compassion for someone who is caught up in this kind of vicious cycle of negativity and anger. My life is better for this practice.

And lately, I’ve had a lot of chances to practice this! Ha!

It has been quiet here lately. I’ve been quiet. Maybe because my mind has (mostly) been quiet. I haven’t felt any urge or need to write or talk. Sometimes the best way to deal with my problems is to “not worry about them” - so to speak. Forget them for a little while. Of course my little demons remind me of their existence now and then… but I’ve managed to keep them pretty quiet. My thoughts have been quiet.

And yet I have been troubled. I haven’t had a panic attack in a long time and generally I feel pretty good. To some extent I’ve managed to subdue the inner voice that is constantly feeding my fear of dying or getting sick. I hear it and it affects my mood but I can resist the urge to run to the nearest doctor or scream “I’ve got [enter your favorite deadly deciese here] and I’m going to die within five minutes!!!”

But I have been troubled. I started smoking again and that troubles me. I see all the things I have achieved in life so far and I don’t fully realize how magnificent they are - and that troubles me. I don’t feel content when I know I should… and that troubles me.

So my current mission is to experience content. That doesn’t mean that I have to stop pursuing new adventures. It just means that I have to learn to savour the moment. To experience the joy of achievement. To experience gratitute for what I have (which is a lot). And to feel lucky and blessed.

To reach content I will have to be positive. That is my next step. Turn negative thoughts into positive paths. Be thankful. Feel blessed. Think positive.

I don’t know why I’m crowding the interweb with these thoughs. I don’t know if they contain anything relevant or helpful to others. The only thing I do know is that they contain my personal experience. My journey. And maybe - in a sea of souls - there are others out there that share my journey and will take comfort from the fact that they are not alone.

My life has been on fast-fast-forward for about a month and today is the first day of release.

The chaos and busy-ness has been good stuff — nothing anxious or negative. Just huge amounts of time spent going along with schedules and plans of family members. My youngest daughter graduated from high school. Kids moved out of our house. One moved back in. We had visits with elderly relatives who needed us to come. Like I said, it’s good stuff — but busy.

I found myself going on a kind of auto-pilot. Get up, do stuff, go to bed. No creativity really. No time for even much reading. I’ve had some low-level anxiety, mostly the feeling that I’m forgetting something crucial. I’m sure I’ve forgotten many things!! Probably nothing crucial!

So this afternoon I find myself in a peaceful and quiet solitude. Everyone else’s plans have taken them off on various adventures and I simply am home. Alone. For the next few days. Lovely!

I am watching the backyard birds take some last minute sustenance before bedding down for the evening. The squirrels are rummaging around at the base of the feeders for dropped sunfower seeds. Moss moves langorously in a whisper of a breeze. I hear crickets in the distance. The shadows are sharpening as the sun sinks.

Life is good. I’m learning that if I just keep breathing, and trusting, the cycle will move along — and peace will reign again. I’m ready to enjoy it.

Recently, Josh wrote a post about self-diagnosis. I started to comment on it but soon realized that writing a follow-up post would be a better idea. Because just a couple of weeks ago I had lung cancer. Through self-diagnosis. That was fun…

This anxiety thing is a rollercoaster ride. You go up, you go down. I’ve been going up and down for the past few months (a year, actually) but to me that is progress because it used to be all downhill. And a couple of weeks ago I went down… apparently with lung cancer (and later, stomach cancer)… or anxiety.

I always seem to end up in “The Pit of Self Diagnosis”, though. I am very scared of falling ill with some fatal disease and I am definitely a hypochondriac. So when my anxiety sets in, I start selling myself this story, see?

I tell myself: “Come on! You’re rational enough, and besides, lately the anxiety has been better and you really, really, REALLY, are having authentic symptoms this time and you’ll be able to not go with the cancer thing and… It will make you feel better to see it’s just the flu or the common cold…“

And there I am. Googling again. And a few seconds later I’ve got cancer. Or a brain tumor. Or anything that is fatal - the faster it kills, the more likely I am to have it. Yay! The fun never stops if you ride the anxiety rollercoaster!

Of course I realized, after a few days, that I probably didn’t have lung cancer or other terminal diseases. Even though I had been messing with cigarettes again for a couple of months (which, initially triggered “the cough”, which triggered “the mucus”, which triggered the “lung cancer”).

So, I think I need to stop listening to “the story”. I have to stop believing my own BS and realize that it is anxiety - and if it is not (and I really have some awful disease) there probably isn’t much I can do about it anyway… and I should probably just see a doctor.

Many of us who deal with chronic stress and anxiety also deal with gastrointestinal distress. I myself am included in this group. Anyone who lives with IBS knows that it can take a terrible toll on your self esteem. During the worst of times, IBS dictates everything I do, from my work day to whether or not I can take my dog for a walk. When this is combined with an anxiety disorder, the cumulative pain and suffering can sometimes become unbearable.

Many people — myself included — have experienced little or no relief from medications. I have yet to find a medication that provides any lasting relief from the symptoms of IBS. This lead me to search for alternatives to pharmaceutical medications, where I found out about peppermint oil, fiber supplements, and probiotics.

Although there has been anecdotal evidence for its efficacy, only recently have clinical trials shown some evidence that peppermint oil really works. If you’re interested in trying it, keep in mind that you probably want to avoid “peppermint spirits.” The spirits will work and it’s much more potent than the oil, but it is diluted in about 80% grain alcohol, so consuming it can feel a bit like taking a shot of peppermint schnapps. “peppermint oil”, on the other hand, is smoother and contains less alcohol. Regardless, make sure that the oils/extracts you purchase are indicated for consumption and not for homeopathy or diffusion.

Additionally, when purchasing peppermint oil, you’ll have a choice of capsules or liquid. I myself prefer liquid, as it seems to work more quickly than capsules. Yet, it’s difficult to carry a bottle of oil with you everywhere you go, so if you’re away from home, the capsules are a great way to carry your relief with you.

Next we have fiber, the importance of which cannot be understated. It is possible that a diet low in fiber is at least partially responsible for IBS in some people. Much of our modern diet is full of fats and starches and a lot of unnecessary junk that does little but fill our stomachs and thicken our thighs. We’ve strayed from the diet that our ancestors ate for thousands of years, and one of the main constituents in that diet were fiber-rich whole grains. Increasing the amount of whole grains you eat is a simple, cheap, and tasty way to enrich your diet and improve your digestive system. Since the U.S. government revised the old food pyramid to include whole grains in 2005, many companies are now making whole grain versions of just about everything. You can find whole grain cereals, whole grain crackers, whole grain breads, and even whole grain frozen pizzas. This makes it even easier. There’s no excuse not to buy the whole grain brand of these products, and doing so can save your stomach a lot of pain!

But sometimes we just can’t eat enough fiber. In that case, try fiber supplements. There are a handful of different brands and when it comes to fiber, you get what you pay for. Believe it or not, any good gastroenterologist will tell you that all fiber is not created equal. You may have to try a few different brands before you find one that truly works. For me, that brand was Benefiber chewables. I prefer chewables because the caplets are huge horse-sized pills that I’d rather not swallow and the powders are too messy. Have you ever tried cleaning a drinking glass after filling it with fiber powder? It becomes a gooey mess likely to solidify into cement if not cleaned promptly. Besides, I’m lazy, and the chewables taste like orange sherbet. Your individual mileage may vary.

Finally, the last thing I’ve found to helpful is yogurt. The concept is simple: keep the digestive system flush with healthy bacteria to reduce the growth of harmful bacteria. The use of “beneficial bacteria” is often referred to as probiotics, and a probiotic diet is likely to lead to better digestive health.

Here are some links for your perusal:

April is Irritable Bowel Syndrome Awareness Month (NCCAM)
IBS information from the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK)
AboutIBS.org
IBS information from WebMD
MyPyramid.gov
Whole Grains Council

I believe that much of our modern anxiety is the result of our lifestyle. The way in which most of us live is inherently unnatural. We’ve truly lost our connection with the rest of the natural world and, as a result, we’ve forgotten our place in it. I myself spend much of my day sitting in traffic where the only animal life I see are those who’ve been crushed on the highway. One could make the argument that, since humans are natural, anything we create is therefore natural. That’s a valid point, but it’s a bit too philosophical for this blog, so I’ll leave that for someone else to delve into.

Nonetheless, when we consciously set ourselves apart of the rest of the world, we can develop a deep sense of loneliness. I’m often amazed at how a simple walk in the woods or a weekend camping trip can really bring me back to the present moment. If you’re interested in some suggestions on how to reconnect with the natural world, take a look at this article from About.com’s Anxiety & Panic Disorders site.

I am heading out tomorrow for a week’s retreat. This is something that I tried for the first time last year. It was a wonderful experience.

I set aside a week. No phone. No computer. I bought enough groceries for 2 meals a day, and stayed away from sugars and processed foods. I took books, paper, pens and the laptop if I wanted to write really fast! I also took some rudimentary art supplies. Then, I headed down to the beach which is about an hour from my house.

Out of that retreat last year came a flood of creative writing that resulted in two published stories this past year. I also created two stained glass window mosaics from which I continue to get daily pleasure.

I also learned that my family can survive without me for a full week. So can my email. And I can live without “being available” by phone and computer. The rejuvenative effects of that retreat lasted about 9 months. And, I’m ready for another!

This kind of self-care is one of the ways that I continue to recover the “good life” from anxiety and panic. This kind of peace, slowing down and making space for myself is the life experience that I can continue to create INSIDE my head and heart no matter where I am.

And that reduces panic, anxiety, fear and chaos.

So I bid you all a fond farewell for seven days — and look forward to returning refreshed, renewed and reflective!

Be well.

Zen Habits, a blog that covers all sorts of topics related to positive life changes, has a good post on the three secrets to happiness. I think most of us here at WW already have some basic knowledge about what doesn’t bring happiness. When you live every day as if you were on the cusp of tragedy, it certainly brings into focus the basic truth that wealth and material gains won’t help much to alleviate our pain and promote well-being. Regardless, our perspective also causes us to lose focus on some of the other important aspects of happiness and health.

If you take a look at the Zen Habits post, pay particular attention to #3. This is something that I think most of us have a very difficult time with.

As far as #2 — positive thinking — this is a controversial topic amongst the professional worrisome. Personally, I try not to advocate “positive thinking” here on this blog because most people confuse it with thought control. Controlling your thoughts is impossible. Trying to control your thoughts as if you could you change your mind by brute force is a complete waste of your time. So, once again, let me remind you that positive thinking is not related to controlling your thoughts. Rather, think of it like positive redirection. By redirecting your attention (not simply your thoughts) to more positive things, you’re able to give yourself a unique way of approaching your problems. This positive redirection can become an unconscious habit if you work at it.

Read “The Three Secrets to Happiness” at Zen Habits.

As I’ve been focusing lately on these Meditation CDs something amazing has come to my attention. I have a VERY sensitive startle reflex! I mean CRAZY sensitive!! I know that babies have this (called the “Morro reflex” I think) but it was always my understanding that we kind of grew out of it.

But I’ve had such a revelation.

I will be following the meditation, listening to the voice, focusing on my breathing. But in the CDs where there is perfect silence rather than any music or ambient noise I find that the next word by the teacher or the bell or even a distant “clunk” in the house causes me a SHOCK! I briefly shiver all over and jerk my eyes open, then feel a release of what must be adrenalin. My heart rate increases and my breathing sometimes stops — I seem to hold my breath.

Now that I’m more aware of this response it makes sense that anxiety and panic have been such a presence in my life. Maybe this happens regularly, and without my awareness. And maybe the Panic is actually a build up of these ’startlings’ rather than some ‘attack’ from out of the blue. I’m thinking that I have a habit of reacting this way, and it is now automatic.

Paying attention to these times when I’m startled has allowed me to dissipate the feeling in the moment. I breathe it in and out. My heart rate settles back down. I come back in to my body and the moment. They don’t seem to be building up. I have a sense of clarity and awareness in my life, but not really any underlying anxiety or panic.

I’m not sure I understand it totally but I think I’m gaining some insight about myself here.

Sometimes I wonder how my grandmother wakes up every morning smiling, despite her frail heart, her arthritic joints, and the growing number of years behind her. (Surely it’d scare the hell out of me.) When I asked her about what keeps her going, she said to me, “What else is there to do?” I later learned that she has made all of her plans. She knows where she’ll be buried. She has all of the legal mumbo-jumbo in place. These things, along with the help of her natural jovial perspective, give her a sense of comfort. She’s ready for whatever, and this readiness allows her to face every day with confidence.

One of the interesting things about us worrywarts is that we excel at imagining the worst possible scenarios, but that’s where we stop. We rarely ever follow through and turn our anxiety into action. Most people don’t just sit around endlessly worrying about their problems… and those that do are likely dealing with some form of anxiety disorder, depression, or — at the very least — they’re not fun people to hang out with.

Read the rest of this entry »

I really liked this reading today — it goes along with exactly what I need to to remain mindful (and thus incorporate less Anxiety and Panic) in my day. You can read all the daily thoughts at www.dailyom.com

March 7, 2007
Decorating Life
The World As Home
There are few things more thrilling than having a new house or an empty room to decorate. Our imaginations soar as we consider the many possibilities. In the same way, our lives offer us the opportunity to express ourselves within various contexts, to ask ourselves questions about what we want to see as we move through our days and how we want things to flow. Some people do this instinctively, moving through the various environments they inhabit and shifting the energy with their presence. These people have a knack for decorating life. This can be as simple as the way they dress, the way they speak, or the fact that they always bring a bouquet of wildflowers when they come for a visit.

As we move through the world, we make a statement, whether we intend to or not. We shift the energy one way when we enter a room dressed elegantly and simply, and another when we show up in bright, cheerful colors and a floppy hat. One is not better than the other. It is simply a question of the mood we wish to create. What we wear is just one choice we can focus on. The way we speak to people, or touch them, shifts the energy more profoundly than almost anything else. The words we speak and the tone in which we say them are the music we choose to play in the world that is our home. Some of us fill the space with passionate arias, others with healing hymns. Again, one is not better than the other. We are all called to contribute.

Just as we consciously create an environment within our homes, we can consciously choose to decorate life itself with our particular energy. Ideally, in doing so, we express our deeper selves, so that the adornments we add to the world make it more meaningful, more beautiful, and as welcoming as a beloved home.

Seems like lately I’ve been having a lot of family time. And I don’t necessarily mean this in a good way! I mean that my brothers, sisters and parents have been making plans for family get-togethers and I find my anxiety creeping up with each one.

I grew up in a large, boisterous family, and when I got married we proceeded to have three kids in three years. Add that to the two my husband already had, and by age 30 I had another large, boisterous family. You’d think that would be good. But it sent me into serious Anxiety and Panic. Turns out, I’m really a rather introverted person who adapted as long as she could to the wild, extroverted, in-your-face living in a large family. But by the time I was in my early 30’s I couldn’t take it any more. But now, instead of siblings, these were my children!

I’m lucky. My girls are terrific. My stepkids are wonderful. We had help from babysitters and au pairs. And, time passes. Now the youngest is 18, very independent and about to graduate from high school. We’ve slowly gotten into a lovely routine of co-habitation - my husband, my daughter and myself. We all have plenty of space, free time, quiet, etc.

Now add these ‘gatherings’ with my siblings to my calendar and I’m crammed into a house full of kids, grandkids, nieces, neighbors etc. I find my eyes glazing over. My back stiffens up. I breathe about an inch deep. When I get in the car to go home I’m clutching the wheel for dear life.

I love my family - dont get me wrong. But it is imperative for me to remember what I’ve learned about myself!! And I can only take so much chaos and confusion without being sucked into a vortex of anxiety, followed closely by a panic attack.

So this morning is lovely — cool, quiet. I can hear the birds chirping outside my window, and the coffee pot gurgling down the hall in the kitchen. No one speaks to me. My ears unwind from their taut defense against an onslaught. My shoulders are relaxing back down to normal. My breath is again getting somewhere close to my belly. I notice my jaw has stopped clenching.

This is good. It hasn’t taken me a week or a month or a year to figure this out!

One thing I’ve realized lately is just how powerful a thought can be. When you think about being in pain you project pain upon yourself. You start to feel pain. When you think about the fear of dying you begin to feal that fear. You begin to die. The thought process is the same. You are actually preparing for your impeading doom and the fear of death is realized fully and in reality.

So. You have to train yourself to let go. To move away from that reality and tell yourself that it is enough to face it when the time comes. When you actually are in pain or when you are actually facing death. It is enough to experience and live through it when it happens and there is no need to go through an imagined projection of the situation.

I’d like to write some posts on Jung’s psychology and how it has helped me deal with panic and anxiety. I don’t want to write long missives or treatises, so I just thought I’d put my intention out here for a few days and then post some stuff. If anyone finds it too boring or confusing just tell me to shut up!!

In a nice way, of course! LOL!

Six months ago I knew I was in trouble. Anxiety and stress were pushing me towards an early grave. I started to feel depressed. Dangerously depressed. The light was starting to fade, the darkness was setting in and I embodied fear. I was fearful, pessimistic and on the edge.

But I’ve always been a “doer”. I do. That’s me. I move, I shake, I mold and I get things done. My way. I take control. Movement keeps me healthy. That’s what I’ve always told myself. Never stay still. Don’t stop. Don’t hesitate.

And I’m not just talking about physical movement. I’m talking about emotional movement. Spiritual movement. Intellectual movement. Movement through time, changing my surroundings, myself. Just movement in any form you can find it.

So I did something. I reached out. I found a society on the web - www.panicsurvivor.com - and that’s where I met Josh and Cindy (and many others). It helped a lot. For one thing it swept away my loneliness.

I saw endless posts that could have been written by me. They described experiences and feelings I truly knew as my own. I recognized the fear and the anxiety. I recognized the awareness of sure madness that was clouded by doubt. “I know this chest pain is just anxiety related but still… what if it isn’t!”.

Slowly but surely this feeling of community began stripping away my own fears. A wonderful doctor and an incredible family also helped tremendously but the community was key. I also initiated big changes in my life. Then I began writing posts for WeWorry.

And then I disappeared.

Why? Because I suddenly felt different. I think I discovered something I wasn’t really looking for (or looking out for). I’m a doer. I keep moving. I never stop. Until recently.

Without trying I’ve seemed to have learned that it is okay to stop for awhile. To enjoy the present, smile, breathe and reflect on both past and future. It is okay to relax.

This might seem obvious. It might even seem trivial. But to me it was neither. By constantly moving I was able to drown my constantly chattering brain with white noise. I was able to silence the voices of anxiety and worry almost perfectly. The keyword here is ALMOST.

They never stopped. They never gave up. That meant that they were always there when I had nothing to over shout them with. And they were constantly growing louder and louder.

So I finally decided to face them. Some I managed to silence for good, some I learned to control better. Some I even listen to, from time to time. But most of all I realized that movement won’t save me from myself. Movement is still important because I have to keep pushing myself but I also have to face my fears and I have to be able to stop. To enjoy now.

So I suddenly felt different. I felt no need to visit PanicSurvivor or WeWorry. Maybe a part of me was afraid of it. Feeling that if I did my anxiety and worry would come back with a vengeance. Like opening the door out of curiosity only to find out that the monster is still there.

But now I’m back. Mainly to stay focused, tell my stories and move on (keep moving). And, of course, to keep up the fight. Because I know the monster is still there. It’s just sleeping, at the moment. And while it slept I was able to tie it down. I hope the rope will hold.

P.S. One advice. I changed my diet. I’ve lost 18 pounds. It works wonders.

I am finding that my level of anxiety is directly and proportionally linked to the way I talk.

Big news, right?

But for me it is another moment of self-awareness. When I find myself talking to others and hear myself using phrases like “huge problem” and “biggest fear” I am literally talking myself into panic. I am blowing my fear up into a larger-than-life issue. I’m creating a new perspective for that fear (or symptom).

Journalling and blogging helps because I can see just how many times I refer to something, or repeat something, and I can reflect on that and see if I am working myself up into a lather.

Meditation, focused breathing, or a nice, brisk walk helps me calm down. There are many things I can do to get my THINKING back on track, and to put my ‘problem’ in its true perspective. It is more-often-than-not just a thought or a fear. The thing I talk about is rarely my actual ‘biggest’ problem. So I am now focusing on how I talk, the words I use and perhaps I’ll find myself less afraid. A little less anxious.

Well, actually I know that I’ll find myself a little less afraid and a little less anxious. That’s how it works!!

In my last post I wrote a little bit about sleep and anxiety, but I didn’t really provide any real information or even a good lead. So I will now remedy that by pointing you to the National Sleep Foundation’s web site. There’s a load of good stuff there, including information on sleep disorders, medications, pregnancy, teens, and a nifty little section for those of us who have trouble falling asleep. Check it out.

I’ve noticed lately that I’m getting easily offended. This came to my attention yesterday when, for the third time, I realized I was irritated.

Now, this may sound strange– so what if I’m irritated? But I have spent years and years dealing with anxiety and panic and one of the results of this is that most of my life is now spent in a kind of serene place of presence. I’m fortunate that the meds I took, the therapies I’ve worked through, the reading, the massage, the reiki, etc have all combined to help me live an extraordinarily fruitful and peaceful life.

Until yesterday. When I realized I was so darn irritated.

I took some time in the afternoon to meditate and then to sit with myself. I remembered the situations, the interactions, that offended me. I was feeling pretty peaceful and so I just held them in my mind. And I began to see a common thread. (Besides ME, of course!)

The common thread in each of the irritating situations was that I was afraid. In one I was afraid of being wrong. In another, I was afraid of making a mistake. In another, I was afraid of being manipulated. That instant of fear, that clenching, that shallow, quick intake of breath — that was the common thread.

And I remember that from days of relentless Panic and Anxiety. I remember when that physical state was my constant companion. Now, after a rather long absence, it was making an appearance. I was able to sit yesterday afternoon in my living room, looking out into the backyard, and just rest with that thought. No judgment. No fixing things. No rush to action.

And it occured to me that this is another bit of growth. That recognizing my own irritation, and my own bodily reaction to fear, I am able to BE present with fear. It doesn’t have to justify itself. It just comes. And fear doesn’t have to take up permanent residence to get my attention. I am able to look at my OWN behavior, and see what is up.

I don’t have to justify myself. I just am.

It seemed like a big insight for me. That even when I recognize some discomfort, some fear in my life, that I am still on the right path and growing and deepening in the peace I’ve chosen. I guess I used to see the problem as being that of the insensitive other. Now I see the phenomenon as the sensitive me. And when I do that, I have a choice — again — in how I want to proceed. No matter how annoying someone else is acting.

And with that insight I find myself less anxious today. Less irritated, and less agitated.

Anxiety and insomnia are frequent bedfellows… pun intended. WebMD has a nifty little list of tips that may help you regulate your sleep cycle. After doing a considerable amount of personal research on sleep, I have to disagree with #3, “Limit naps.”

It’s my personal opinion that when I’m unable to fall asleep at night, my first priority is making sure that my body and mind are functioning optimally so that I don’t get into a car accident or run into walls. Doing this often requires naps. It’s true that napping will interfere with your sleep cycle, but if you’re a chronic insomniac, getting bits of sleep here and there can go a long way in keeping your body from crashing of exhaustion. Restoring a healthy sleep cycle is often a more long-term goal that is probably best accompanied with help from your physician.

Although I don’t consider myself an insomniac, my anxiety is usually accompanied by problems falling asleep and staying asleep. When my mind is overactive, it’s difficult to slow it down enough to allow my body’s rhythm to drop into sleep. Not to mention that my overactive mind causes my thoughts to go all haywire when I’m trying to sleep, and this in turn only exacerbates the anxiety.

I eventually learned a few techniques that helped tremendously. One of the best was when I decided to try meditating myself into sleep. It works beautifully, but it creates problems during my daily non-sleeping meditation because I’ve associated watching my breath with falling asleep, so I’m often trying to keep myself from nodding off while sitting on the cushion during the day. Another method I use is visualizations. I often imagine my thoughts as a piece of paper, then I visually crumple that paper into a little ball and throw it off into the distance. When my mind begins racing again, I again crumple the paper and chuck it away. I do this until I’ve managed to slow down enough to drift off.

My biggest problem with sleep is that I always want to sleep when I shouldn’t and rarely want to when I should. As they say, the best nap is the one you shouldn’t be taking.

In his book The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hahn says the following:

While practicing mindfulness, don’t be dominated by the distinction between good and evil, thus creating a battle within oneself.

Whenever a wholesome thought arises, acknowledge it: “A wholesome thought has just arisen.” If an unwholesome thought arises, acknowledge it as well: “An unwholesome thought has just arisen.” Don’t dwell on it or try to get rid of it. To acknowledge it is enough. If they are still there, acknowledge they are still there. If they have gone, acknowledge they have gone. That way the practitioner is able to hold of his mind and to obtain the mindfulness of the mind.

This is a practice that you can begin right now. By objectively observing your mind, you can learn to detatch yourself from your inner monologue. When you get caught up in a stream of unconscious negative or fearful thoughts, the result will be anxiety, sadness, or a panic attack. Instead, direct your attention to being an outside observer.

When you labale your thoughts as “good” or “bad” or “nice” or “scary,” you’re not objectively observing and you’re creating an emotional response to your thought processes. A major part of overcoming anxiety and depression is learning not to attribute too much emotional meaning to your thoughts.

Again, the practice of mindfulness requires practice, but do not give up. The rewards are well worth your effort.

For quite some time I was confused about two contradictory pieces of advice. The first piece of advice said that I should try to reduce anxiety by developing a stillness of mind. From my initial interpretation, I had assumed that this meant I should think less. I’d always been hyperanalytical and an extreme overthinker. If it could be delved into deeply, you could guarantee that I’d be delving… until I got bored and decided to delve elsewhere, that is.

The second piece of advice said that I should try to keep busy. The term “busy” could mean many things, but I first took it to mean that I should jump from one activity to the other as quickly as possible without so much as a breath in between. I’ve never been fond of work, and “busy” sounds too much like work for me to get all giddy at the prospect that work will somehow reduce my anxiety. (I always laugh at people who think a ridiculously rigid work ethic is somehow their best character trait. I’ll expand more on this in a later post, I promise.)

So, is it possible to have a still mind while simultaneously being busy?

Absolutely. My problem was in my assumption that busy was synonymous with frantic and disorganized. In truth, an engaged mind is a still mind, but only when you allow yourself to become whatever it is you’re doing. This is essentially the practice of mindfulness, for which I’m an ardent advocate.

Read the rest of this entry »

The holidays are looming, and many shy people are dreading the season’s numerous social events. But you don’t have to let shyness spoil your holidays. WebMD spoke with experts about what you can do now to prepare.

Read the rest at WebMD.

In a follow-up to a previous post, I found a great article for dealing with holiday stress and anxiety. This HealthNewsDigest article has a lot of great tips on how to manage your stress during the holidays.

And here’s another article (from the El Paso Times) about stress and anxiety during the holidays. It’s a good read. Here’s an excerpt:

Dr. Luisa Castellaños, a psychologist also in Las Cruces, said some of the holiday letdowns stem from comparing one’s experience to a Hallmark card family-type portrayal that all families should be happy at this time.

“It is an illusion,” she said. “A lot of people don’t have that and feel lonely or left out because it’s not real for them. A lot of family issues and family losses come up during this time. The material aspects we see on television misconstrues the holidays for some, and stress develops when they can’t meet the high expectations they set for themselves. Parents feel guilty, and I hear them say they feel bad because they don’t have enough money to buy presents.”

Here are three very powerful and very easy things I try to do on a regular basis to reduce stress and control my anxiety. These have worked for me and I know that these methods have even been scientifically proven - they reduce blood pressure, reduce stress hormones and increase the release of other chemicals in the body that create a feeling of wellness. I’ll write more about these scientific measures at a later date, though.

For now I just want to introduce you to three of my favorite methods for dealing with stress, anxiety and life, in general. They are all completely free and incredibly easy to learn (because you know them already). The key to make these methods work for you is practice. Like with everything else, practice makes perfect.

1. Belly Breathing - A few deep breaths can instantly relieve stress. Take a slow, deep breath and try to imagine that you are inflating a balloon in your stomach. When “the balloon is full” hold your breath for approximately 4 seconds and then release your breath slowly. Repeat 10 times. Some people (even scholars) think this is the quickest, most efficient way to relax. It can even help with high blood pressure. Daily practice can reduce overall stress and anxiety. Try to begin and end each day by doing this.
2. Smile - A smile is a very powerful thing - even when it is forced. The brain somehow tries to authenticate a forced smile so within a few seconds it has conjured up happy memories that turn that fake and forced smile into a genuine reflection of feeling good. Just try it out. And smiling is an instant relief for pain, anxiety and stress. Thinking about a loved one, a happy moment, a wonderful time. It brings a smile and makes it impossible to be bothered by stress.
3. Slowing down - It is really important to learn how to slow down. Take the time to enjoy each moment. To focus on what you are doing right now. Look at something - a flower or running water, for instance - and focus on it completely. Direct all your attention towards it. Listen to it. Smell it. Feel it. Let your mind wander. Accept the world - at that moment - for what it is, with all its pain and all its pleasure. Embrace the moment and just feel calm. Don’t think about what you’ll have to do next or what is waiting for you. Just think about your point of focus. Try to notice the taste of your food, the next time you eat. Really focus on the taste and think about the texture, the flavor, the toughness, etc. Slow down. Relax. Enjoy this moment, for it too will pass.